Episode #289 Escaping the Trap of People-Pleasing – Unforced Rhythms of Grace

What would your day look like if you weren't worried about what others think of you? I considered this question as I was prepping for this episode, and it's kind of sobering to think about. What would be different in how I showed up in different places? About what I wore, or if I did my hair or makeup? What would be different about what I said or didn't say?

Today we're talking about escaping everyone else's expectations, and as a recovering people pleaser, this one can be kind of tricky for me. In Richard Foster's book, the Celebration of Discipline, he says, "We are trapped in a maze of competing attachments. One moment we make decisions on the basis of sound reason and the next moment out of fear of what others will think of us. We have no unity or focus around which our lives are oriented." Which as believers, our clear unified focus gets to be focused on God seeking him first, seeking his kingdom, engaging in day to day, moment by moment life with him. Part of my testimony is that I didn't always know God invited us into that.

And so if you're listening to this episode right now, and that's news to you, that God wants to engage in moment by moment, day-to-day life with you, I'm so glad you're here. God has purpose for this season that you're in, and life is about to get so much better because when we orient ourselves around other people's opinions or expectations, that's sinking sand. The ground beneath us is constantly shifting based on where we are and who we're with and who we think that they want us to be. But we get to live as children of the king of heaven. We get to live as those who are beloved by God, and that peels away this need that we can have to respond and adjust to everyone else's expectations.

Having God as our center gives us the security to stop performing for others approval because we are already loved. For me, part of this learning process has been realizing that oftentimes I still will default to try to work for God's approval. I'm trying to do something because I want him to notice that I'm doing it for him and hopefully that he likes me a little bit more because of that. But we can rest knowing that we are already loved. Friend, you are already loved, and that doesn't mean that we stop being transformed by God, but the transformation God does in us is because he loves us. It's not to make us better, so that hopefully we could be more acceptable to him someday. He already adores you. God already delights in you.

But we have this tension that complicates our lives, that complicates even our faith when we try to live for other people's approval. I'm gonna read for us from Galatians chapter 1 in the ESV version, and it says in verse 10, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?”

Now, that's a pretty clear visual. We see this again in Proverbs 29:25, “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”

Our reliance on God, our trust in him, frees us from other traps of seeking human approval.

Today's episode is short and sweet, and we're asking God to help illuminate some areas where this might be hard for us. When I brought this question to God, he actually showed me some areas where I was still working to try and gain some approval from him, not realizing that I could walk more easily in partnership in life with him trusting that he already loved me. I didn't need to earn anything more from him.

I wonder what he wants to share with you. And so here's a question you can take to him:

God, whose approval have I been working to win and how is that shaping my decisions? Then ask him, okay, God, what can I do instead? I know there's more he'll share with you.

Have a good talk.

And if you've been encouraged by this content, please share it with a friend and help them grow in their conversational relationship with God too!

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